By STEPANIE McGRATH
AllPop
At 7:13 last night I had a horrible realization - I'd forgotten about "Popstars". The sheer terror I felt over missing a few minutes of the show made me realize just how much "Popstars" means to me. So a big thank you to the reality program that sucks up 30 minutes of my life every Sunday. Without you I'd probably be doing something wasteful with my time like reading.
I'm sad that I missed the Narrator's opening statements. I'm sure they were wise and original - probably something about this being the last chance for 5 of the girls in this glamorous city of Toronto.
Anyway, when I finally tune in, Michael and the gang are already assembled for the second-to-last round of cuts. Now I'm just going to add that I was simply SHOCKED by the cuts. I mean ASTOUNDED.
[Before I started watching, the girls apparently did a solo performance for the judges from a stage. Very exciting. Maybe they all perspire a lot too because for some reason a lot of them are wearing Lady Speedstick T-shirts when the cuts begin.]
O.K., the judges have to cut five more girls from the current group of fifteen. That means there will be ten girls left from which to choose Canada's first all-girl SUPER GROUP (the show's words, not mine).
Right before the girls make their perilous journey in to see the judges, they get to read a letter from Lee.
"I love you all. Don't forget me and take Canada by storm!" She writes. Ahhh that Lee, so emotional. Wanna bet she was crying when she wrote that letter?
Anyway...on to the cuts.
For once, Michael and the gang decide to keep their little spiels short. This makes me very happy.
My current favourite, spunky Mirella, makes it to the final ten. YAY!
Cute Julie makes it. She looks almost exactly like cute Tanya who also makes it to the final 10. I'm guessing the judges will only pick one of these two girls to make it.
[ **SPOILER** my boyfriend swears he saw Julie in our local laundromat. Do you think a future popstar would be doing hanging out in a laundromat? I don't. Then again, this news is from the same person who sits in the front row at the movie theatre 'cause he's so blind. ]
The only people I'm really not thrilled about making it to the final are Amber Weening (a.k.a. scary Christina Aguilera wannabe) and Sahara MacDonald (I don't like her hair).
O.K. be prepared for a huge shock.
Jessica, a.k.a. Olivia Newton-John who has been one of my personal final fives since the beginning, gets slashed. WHAT!!! O.K., a pop group without at least one pretty blond girl is not a pop group at all!
Spice Girls? Check - Baby Spice.
All Saints? Check - Those two Appleton singers.
Dream? Check - Melissa and Ashley.
Get rid of blond Lee? Fine, she's a crier and isn't that great a singer but blond Jessica rocks! She sings, she dances, she has neat clothes. Now I'm mad. I think the producers of this show are out to get me.
Jessica handles her cut with grace but tears up once she's reunited with the other hopefuls. She's apparently really upset about how sad her mom will be.
Quick shot of judge Billie looking teary. Too bad Billie, you don't get to cry. You're responsible for this, aren't you?! Aren't you!!!
Narrator: "But nothing can prepare the girls for the shocking news still to come".
Dear Narrator,
Remember what I told you last week about being subtle when using foreshadowing? Well apparently you did not take my advice. I would be much more shocked about what's going to happen if you didn't keep telling me: 'Watch out! The next thing that happens is a big surprise! You know that person you were sure was going to make it? She gets cut! Now guess who she is.'
So settle down and keep quiet.
Sincerely,
AllPop
Anyway, there is one cut still to be made and one girl left to face the judges. It's Latoya. That's right, the girl with the best voice of the bunch. If anyone in the group of auditioners can really belt out a tune, it's Latoya. Don't ask me why she doesn't make the final five. I don't know. Maybe her voice just didn't gel with the group, maybe she doesn't look like a pop singer. I don't know. I am so confused.
"We think you're an absolute star" one of the judges (I don't know who because I'm in a confused state over the whole Latoya thing) tells her.
I'm about to get really mad and quit recapping this show FOREVER when the judges completely manipulate my emotions, Latoya's emotions and the rest of the auditioners' emotions by offering Latoya another chance.
"We think you would be a great solo artist," says one of the judges. I think it's Allen from Universal.
Latoya, who started crying as soon as she walked in the room cries even harder. The judges explain they'll get her to work with good songwriters at Universal, give her studio time and hopefully something will come out of the solo development deal they've just offered her.
The judges get all misty-eyed. They are such do-gooders.
Narrator: "Although she may not be a Popstar. She still has something to sing about - a development deal with a major label."
GAG - that was the cheesiest narrator statement EVER!
[But I do hope Latoya goes on to be super-successful and then she and Jessica team up for a duet that sells a billion copies. Then who will get the last laugh? Me, that's who. And I guess Latoya and Jessica will too.]
Latoya runs out and tells the Popstar wannabes the good news, they all cheer. Michael and the gang come out of the chopping room and look like they're about to cry.
Latoya cries, the judges cry, the girls who made it cry, the girls who didn't make it cry and somewhere, Lee is crying too.
So the final ten are:
1. Amber Weening
2. Andrea Henry
3. Julie Crochetiere
4. Maiko Watson
5. Marla Berman
6. Mirella Dell'Aquila
7. Rhoslynne Bugay
8. Sahara MacDonald
9. Sarah Tommasino
10.Tanya Sa
Narrator: "From These finalists Canada's first all girl super group will be born". (How many times is he going to say that?)
Now obviously I have been soooo wrong about guessing the final line-up in the past but I'm going to give it one last go. The final five are the girls I'd like to see in the pop group:
Andrea Henry (Good singer, cute, seems sweet)
Mirella Berman (Spunky, talented)
Tanya Sa (Very good singer, pretty, very popstar-y)
Rhoslynne Bugay (She's cute, decent singer)
Saharah MacDonald (Hate the hair but again, they'll put her in the final five just to spite me)
Next week on "Popstars": Narrator: "The girls get the visit that could change their lives".
>Each of the judges go to the homes of the final 10 (with a camera of course) to tell the girls the good news or the bad news.
See you next week.
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