By STEPANIE McGRATH
AllPop

Narrator: It started with thousands of girls and the chance of a lifetime.

And this will be the longest recap of my lifetime. The kind people at Global decided to make last night's episode an hour long, which meant double the tears and double the hand cramps.

Narrator: The time has come for the judges to take the show on the road.



(No, Michael & The Gang aren't bringing their act to an arena near you. I think our beloved narrator means the judges will make their way from province to province to tell the finalists whether they've made the group or not.)

Narrator: Blah blah blah, Canadian all-girl super group.

(There's that quote we know and love. Hey! Mr. Narrator! Don't worry about repeating yourself or anything, okay? I love the way you say the same thing on every single episode. The repetition is comforting; a sure thing in an unpredictable world.)

Bop bop bop do ahhhh ... and commercial.

We're told that "today" is the final day of the "Popstars" boot camp. Instead of engaging in an intense vocal or dance workshop, the girls take part in something that really matters: a major make-over.

The narrator tells us that the make-over is a special treat for the girls, a way for them to relax after a gruelling week. It will also give the judges a photo "opp" (my, my, the narrator certainly is down with the showbiz lingo, isn't he?).

Photos will be taken of each of the 10 finalists looking their absolute best so the judges have an idea of the girls' "image possibilities".

Once the girls -- Amber, Marla, Sarah, Mirella, Rhoslynne, Sahara, Tanya, Julie, Maiko and Andrea -- are properly hoochie-mama-ed up (actually, to be fair, they look pretty. Pretty hoochie-mama-ish, ha ha ha. No just joking, they look good), they give one final performance for the judges.

Yay, they're singing Macy Gray's "I Try". Now that is a song I hardly ever hear. It's so refreshing to listen to a tune that hasn't been overplayed at all.

Spliced between the singing extravaganza are shots of the final 10 chatting with the judges one-on-one, telling Michael and the gang who they would put in the final five.

I'm thinking that each of the final five will get some serious media training, because listen to some of these quotes from the judges one-on-one sessions:

"I was like, so shocked [to make the final 10]. It was like, so happy but so sad."

"It was so phenomenal [the final singing session], so magical, so overwhelming."

Okay, the final session is over. The girls have gone home to await the judges' decision.

Narrator: Two days later, there's a marathon session that will ultimately decide the final five.

Allen (one of Michael's crew): "When we first started this project we were thinking a light pop band. With the girls we have, it's not going to be that anymore."

You see, Allen thinks they've got a talent pool with more depth, that can do greater things than simple pop tunes. We shall see.

Bop bop bop do ahhh ... and commercial

Spikey-haired Brian from Universal wins new respect in my eyes as he tells the audience exactly what they're searching for in the final five without trying to pretty it up.

"The girls (among the CD-buying public) have to go, 'Wow, she's cool. She rocks'. The boys have to go 'Wow, she's really hot'."

What Brian basically says is that they have to pick the perfect combination to entice young pop lovers to buy the group's album. Thanks for being honest Brian. I like you now.

Okay, this next bit with the judges is pretty straightforward. They basically look at the final 10 -- whose photos they've stuck to the walls -- and talk about them.

Michael is a semi-trouble-maker. If Brian says one of the girls doesn't have the greatest voice, Michael will start talking about the "it" factor. (No, I don't know what that means either).

Basically, they say the nicest things about Julie. The only problem with Julie is that she has apparently expressed doubts about the group's direction. Maiko is also said to be "sceptical" about the project.

The judges move on to Tanya. And (as I've observed before), they feel Tanya and Julie are just too similar to pick both of them. (HA! I knew it!)

Then on to Andrea. They like her, but she's a bit shy and the judges are worried that they won't have enough time to mould her into the shining popstar they need her to be.

Next up is Sarah. This girl is waaaaaaay too dramatic.

The judges are worried that Sarah's singing isn't coming from the "right place". (What? Is it from the wrong side of the tracks or something? I'm so confused.)

Oh, okay, the judges think her singing isn't coming from "the heart". They also mention that she isn't close with the rest of the girls. (Translation: She does not fit in, and the other wannabes don't like her).

Michael gets cranky and starts whining about how she works hard and if she doesn't hug people as much as the other girls that shouldn't be counted against her.

Now, wait for it, here comes my favourite part of the show. A Universal higher-up is sitting in on the discussions and totally shoots Michael down hard. I love him now.

"She may work hard, but that doesn't make her special, Michael." HA HA HA! Next it's Amber's turn. I'm not a fan of Amber at all. As the judges talk about her, we're shown clips of her singing during boot-camp. It hurts my ears. She does all these Christina Aguilera warbles that frighten me.

The Universal guys don't think Amber has "it". I hope they keep thinking that way.

Marla is on the chopping block now. Some of the judges think she has "it", some don't. Allen thinks she's a star. I don't.

"I don't know how we're going to make the group," sighs Billie.

Bop bop bop do ahhhh ... and commercial.

We're shown a shot of each of the girls in their home environment. They all have really nice homes.

This recap is running a bit long, so I'll just cut to the chase. Basically, the judges split up and go to the final 10's houses to tell them if they've made it or not.

Before each of them get there, the girls have a quick chance to talk to the camera. Everyone says they've wanted this since they were young, it's been a great experience, they're really nervous right now, they really want to make it, they've always wanted this, they love the other girls and they don't envy the judges' job to cut five people.

Sahara is up first. Last week I said I didn't like her because she had stupid hair. She looks better this week, though, so I like her now.

Michael goes to Sahara's home. He talks for a while about how difficult it was to make the decision, but that she's made the cut. Sahara cries.

One down, nine to go.

Billie goes to Andrea's house. I like Andrea, but I have this terrible feeling that she's not quite spunky enough for the judges.

"Unfortunately, you're not in the band," says Billie.

WOW, that sounded so brutal.

Andrea is shocked. I'm sad for her.

Allen goes to Tanya's house. Now we all know it's either going to be Tanya or Julie who makes it. Tanya lives in a palace.

Allen goes on FOREVER. "Blah blah blah, pored through tapes. Blah, blah, everybody has talent. Blah blah, we don't even know why some people make it and some don't. Blah, blah, I've got bad news."

Tanya is cut but handles it very gracefully.

Maiko is next.

Brian makes it short and sweet and keeps his spot as my favourite judge.

"It's been an absolute pleasure to meet you." Maiko makes it.

Billie goes to Marla's house. I'm not crazy about Marla. But apparently Billie is.

"It's going to be really emotional 'cause I really like you," Billie says. "I have to say a lot of no's today, but not to you."

Okay, that's just mean.

Marla freaks out and attacks Billie in a major hug.

Amber is visited by Michael, who tells her she has a "sparkle". Are "sparkle" and the "it factor" the same thing? I don't know, can someone tell me please?

Anyway, apparently "sparkle" and "making it" aren't the same thing. Amber gets the cut. She's very cool about it, though.

Sarah gets cut. Her mom tells Billie that it's okay because Sarah's father was against the whole thing. Hmmm, and that's an issue for a family therapy session right there.

Allen goes to Julie's house. He tells her she brought "depth" to the project and that she made it. Julie is happy but calm, no tears here.

"She's going to be a major part of this band," says Allen on his way out.

Billie goes to Rohsylnne's house. She gets the cut.

"Oh my God, it's over, eh?," says Rohsylnne.

Finally we're on to Mirella. She's my favourite. If they have stickers for these girls I want a Mirella sticker for my desk. It can go over my Baby Spice sticker 'cause the Spice Girls are so '90s.

Allen goes on and on but eventually tells Mirella she's in. Mirella tears up a bit, but her mom goes nuts.

"It's a dream come true, it's her dream," she weeps.

And so the final five are: Julie, Marla, Mirella, Maiko and Sahara.

Oh, here's a shot of the gals in Toronto, preparing for their glamorous life in the big city.

Narrator: Canada's newest singing group is getting comfortable in their expansive condo.

I am so jealous right now. These girls have their own waterfront condo. As I watch the show from my dark, bunker-like basement apartment, I see the at the injustice in this world.

Oh, Marla is already making trouble. She's afraid of heights and won't ride the elevator up to her new apartment. She bugs me. Eventually, after all the other girls make a big fuss over her, she takes the ride. She is really going to get on my nerves.

In the apartment, Michael sits down with the girls to explain how their new life is going to work.

The group gets a trainer (no flabby popstars for Canada here), their rent and food is covered, and (Michael practically screams this next perk at them): "Everybody is going to get a cell phone!!".

Wow, that's pretty exciting isn't it? I can smell a product placement on the way.

Anyway, Michael tells them they shouldn't have guests in their apartment. Oh-oh. I smell trouble in the future.

Finally, we're shown a shot of the girls working out.

Narrator: It's only a matter of weeks to get them to be a successful recording act. It's ground zero for "Popstars".

Next week: The Journey hits an unexpected road block.

Apparently, one of the chosen ones wants OUT and the judges have to decide whether they want a four-member group or whether they need to find a replacement.

I hope it's Marla who leaves and that they decide to choose Jessica, a.k.a. Olivia Netwon-John. That would make me soooo happy.

See you next week.

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