Friday, September 28, 2001
Attention: advice you'll need!
By STEPHANIE McGRATH AllPop
Carol Weston is a teen expert. She's written for "Seventeen Magazine" and "YM" and has published several books, including "Girltalk All The Stuff Your Sister Never Told You" (which has been translated into many different languages). Carol's next teen-related book will be titled "For Teens Only".
"My high school English teachers said 'Write what you know about'," says Carol, who now has daughters of her own. "What I know about is growing up and being a girl and babysitting and boyfriends and popularity and all that stuff."
When AllPop spoke by phone with Carol, who calls Manhattan home, she was still reeling from the tragic events in New York City. But the writer was willing to answer some questions that could be floating around the minds of teens who find themselves immersed in pop culture.
AllPop: Why is it sometimes easier for young teen girls to imagine a Backstreet Boy or an *Nsync group member as their boyfriend instead of a boy in their class?
Carol: "If you like A.J., you're not going out on a limb in terms of what your friends will think, because a lot of other people like him, too, so nobody is going to say 'How can you like him? He's not cute'. You're also not taking any risks in terms of 'What if he doesn't like me back?' because guess what? You'll probably never meet him. You're not running any emotional risks of being rejected, being used, being ignored, being mocked. It's very safe and perfectly decent. It's only when you start obsessing and your friends get tired of hearing about it and you're crying into your pillow and getting unrealistic that you're kind of heading down the wrong lane."
AllPop: Do you have any advice for kids who are teased for being big Britney or Backstreet Boys fans?
Carol: "I think if you're being teased, that's kind of a high cost to pay for being a fan. Number one, it doesn't make me think highly of the kids who are teasing you, but in the interest of protecting you I would say don't wear your Britney T-shirt. Don't have your binder say Backstreet Boys if you're in high school. You can still like the music, still enjoy being an expert on the music, knowing the words, buying the CDs, talking about the concerts."
AllPop: Any advice for those kids who want to dress like pop idols without upsetting their mom?
Carol: "With the tragic events in my hometown and in our world, I'm wondering whether we're going to see a little bit less frivolity and less of the brazen, coquette thing that Britney likes. I think there may be a shifting in styles anyway. But otherwise, it's always about compromise, and if your mom is buying you the clothes then chances are you're already having to compromise a bit in the store. The reasons why parents are trying to get you to not show your navel in math class is because sometimes some girls are still learning what messages they are sending. Maybe you think you look great, and chances are you do look great, but if your clothes are saying 'I love looking as sexy as possible' but in fact you're a studious virgin ... then just kind of be aware of the disconnect."
AllPop: Any advice for teens whose parents don't approve of the music they listen to?
Carol: "This is why God invented Discmans. I think it's okay to listen to what you want to listen to, especially if you're buying it with your own money, but there's no need to play it really loud when your parents are in the next room. If you want to listen to Eminem, great, just don't copy his language. Of course your parents are going to get mad if you use that kind of language, but if you're quietly listening to your CD Walkman and getting your homework done, I don't think they're going to give you a hard time."
AllPop: Some shows like "Dawson's Creek" are aimed towards teens, and they are showing a lot of teen sex. Is there anything people should keep in mind when they're watching these shows?
Carol: "In real life, nothing gets worked out in half an hour. The consequences of sex are huge in that you can get pregnant, you can get a sexually transmitted disease, and you can get emotionally hurt very easily. So sex is always a big deal. Sometimes on TV, because sex is interesting, you see it a lot. It helps ratings. And even in your school, people are going to talk about the couples who are "doing it". Sometimes it seems like for younger teens 'Everybody has a boyfriend except me' and for older teens it sometimes feels like 'Everybody else has done it except me', but in both cases it's just not true. Usually the silent majority is just waking in the morning, going to school, getting their homework done. You're not the last virgin in Canada. Just really take your time. It's so much fun to be a teen, and you have your whole life to be an adult. There's no rush."
AllPop: Do you think there are more teens looking to celebrity role models now?
Carol: "... Maybe a couple of years ago, some girl might have said Spice Girls [were her heroes], and now we all kind of roll our eyes. I think right now when we're using the word "hero" in Manhattan we're really talking about something so much more profound, because we all, as a world, watched the twin towers turn into one and then turn into none. And when you thought about the fact that most people were racing to get out, there were hundreds of firemen racing to get in to help. I think it's not cliché to recognize that these guys are the heroes. I get so many letters that are signed, 'My crush doesn't like me, I'm desperate'. I hear the world 'desperate' constantly. I just feel like, let's all get a sense of perspective here. It's a drag when your crush doesn't like you back. I've been there, we've all been there, but you're not desperate. Desperate is something completely different. It's important for teenagers to know that they're still allowed to go out and be teenagers and have fun, but it's also okay to be kind of sobered and instead of just thinking about how much you want a Kate Spade bag, I think it's important to think about what we can do to help each other and how you can live your life responsibly and wisely".
For more information on Carol, check out her
official website
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