Wednesday, January 30, 2002
Review: Buffy stinks up the TV
By STEPHANIE McGRATH -- AllPop
Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Season 6, Episode 11
This week's episode of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" can be summed up in one word: stinky.
For real, it stank, but as a fellow "Buffy" fan commented this morning: "It wasn't 'Riley bad', though, more 'old school bad'."
The fan, of course, was referring to the craptacular season with that stupid cyborg villain Adam and Buffy's super lame boyfriend Riley, who we all hate. "Old school bad" simply means it is similar to one of the bad high sc
hool episodes, thereby making it lame and stinky but not absolutely horrible (like the Adam/Riley episodes were). But, I can't quite put my finger on a good example of a bad high school episode. Feel free to write in if you have one in mind, or go discuss it amongst yourselves.
The show opens with Xander, Willow, and Anya chatting about the geek trio's invisibility gun from the last (new) episode. Willow mentions that when Buffy went to the geek residence, they'd already vacated but left behind some magic toys, which the magic-addicted Willow describes in great detail [she's still recovering from her magic addiction remember?].
 Buffy |
There's some jokes and witty back-and-forth banter blah blah blah. Anya whines about Willow not being able to plan her wedding with magic, the group talks about working and how Buffy's going to enter the work force and, low and behold, there's our little slayer dressed in a hideous fast-food uniform.
So, it appears Buffy has decided to support herself and her younger sister by joining the staff at a fast-food restaurant. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with working at a burger joint but, if it is your only source of income, how are you going to dress all spiffy like Buffy and Dawn do in every episode?
Seriously, I agree with The Globe And Mail and all those other publications that get all fancy-pants and discuss how "Buffy" is actually a metaphor for real life and emotional journeys and blah blah blah but really, half the reason we -- and those smarty pants publications feel the exact same way even if they don't admit it -- all like the show is 'cause the people are pretty (except for Xander who looks a little puffy these days and also has bad haircuts and ugly shirts). If Buffy starts working at a burger place, how is she going to be pretty? Really, people, this is important. Her new haircut is very cute, though, and a bit blonder now, which is good.
Okay, so Buffy has to watch a stupid and gross training video for her new job at the Double Meat Palace about how the chicken meat and the beef get all mixed up. Yuck. Let me never eat fast food again.
Manny the manager is creepy and keeps telling Buffy about the high turnover in staff that the Palace experiences and how the secret ingredient is processed meat product and it's all very ominous and viewers should know that all is not well at the old Double Meat Palace. [Foreshadowing shall be noted in bold.]
So Buffy is on cash, trying to learn how to work the buttons. Her friendly trainer boy tells her that "a cocker spaniel could do it", as he serves a cherry pie and coffee to a creepy old lady.
Apparently, Buffy is more of a chihuahua than a cocker spaniel, as she gets all flustered when a large family orders a massive amount of gross food.
Later that day, Manny the manager finds Buffy snooping around the freezer and acts all sketchy and jumpy. Then, the Scoobies come to visit and eat bad fast food. Buffy explains her suspicions about the restaurant, and Xander says she's "seeing demons where there's just life".
Then Spike comes in and make a "service me" joke -- hee hee hee -- and tries to get her to quit, but she doesn't.
When the Palace closes up, we see the friendly trainer boy from earlier being attacked out by the dumpsters.
 The Scoobies |
The next morning, creepy Manny the manager tells Buffy that trainer boy has disappeared and that Buffy will be working on the grill now. A semi-humorous scene follows when one of the burger burn-outs explains how to use the grill and just keeps referring to the beeps it makes. Ha, repetition is funny.
Then the burn-out explains how the grease from the grill plugged up his ears and now he has a special ear pump thingy to clean them out. Ewwww, disgusting.
Meanwhile, over at Xander and Anya's, a creepy vengeance demon shows up and threatens to tear Xander apart before Anya rushes in and explains that the demon was invited to the wedding, not to exact revenge on poor Xander.
Back at the Palace, Spike and Buffy get busy out back by the dumpsters during one of her breaks. Buffy's all class.
Over at Buffy's home, Amy (the former rat, current witch and bad influence) comes by and asks Willow if she can have the rat cage that served as her home. Then she starts tempting Willow to use magic and eventually casts some spell that gives Willow power.
Back at the Palace, we see an appetizing close-up shot of a meat grinder and young Buffy finding a finger underneath it.
She confronts Manny the manager and gets all hysterical, saying the meat is actually people. Then she runs out into the restaurant and starts shrieking, "the meat is people!", and it's kind of funny in a "Soylent Green" rip-off kind of a way.
Then the creepy cherry pie old lady says, "What about the cherry pie?", which is also kind of funny.
Manny tries to restrain Buffy, who goes all slayer on him and roughs him up. She's super fired.
Meanwhile, Anya and the demon are having tea and discussing Anya's upcoming nuptials. That pesky demon is planting doubts about the marriage in Anya's head. Do you care about this subplot? No, me neither. It's dumb. Let's just forget this wedding nonsense until the actual day, when the creators and writers can feel free to rain down mayhem and witty banter on us.
Buffy calls a meeting about the Palace but Anya and Willow don't show immediately. She's brought a burger with her in the hopes of getting Willow to test it and see if it's made from people or not.
Xander eats the meat and then hears that it could be people and is appropriately grossed out. Willow shows up, still a bit under the influence of Amy's spell. Example? When she picks up a pencil, it melts. Woweee. (I am supremely bored of this storyline now.)
Willow decides to use the magic of chemistry to find out what's in the burger while Buffy makes her way back to the Palace to see if there's anything else she can discover. [Oh, and Anya shows up and starts pestering Xander about some of the things the demon made her think about, and it's dumb.]
At the Palace, Buffy finds Manny's shoe ... and part of his leg or something. It's pretty safe to assume he's dead.
While Willow works her chemistry talents, Dawn talks about how she's sad for her big sister because she'll never be a lawyer or a doctor and may have to work odd jobs for the rest of her life. Xander then tells Dawn she could become a lawyer or a doctor and then look after Buffy herself. Dawn doesn't like this plan. Why, Dawn? Is picking up the tab for your sister in the future too much to ask, considering Buffy saved your life about a million times? That kid is self-centred.
Willow realizes the meat isn't people and is apparently coming down from the magic spell.
At the Palace, Buffy is confronted by the cherry pie lady, who has decided that a large snake creature protruding from the top of her head is more becoming than a head of hair. The snake spits at Buffy and paralyzes her. So this is how those others disappeared. They weren't made into burgers, they got eaten by a snake lady.
Willow runs over to the restaurant and uses the drive-thru intercom to yell at Buffy inside the Palace. Willow tells her the burgers weren't meat, they were made out of vegetables, and then she confesses that she had a taste of magic when Amy cast the spell and that it's hard for her and blah blah blah.
Meanwhile, Buffy's shoulder is being chewed by the snake. Willow hears some commotion, rushes in and chops the snake off of the old lady and shoves it in the meat grinder. Gross.
The next day, Amy shows up at Willow, Buffy and Dawn's home, and Willow tells her to leave her alone, she's a bad influence and such. Amy says: "You're not denying that you had fun," smiles and leaves. (She'll be back, and so will trouble.)
Buffy is now back at the Palace, turning in her uniform to the new manager. Buffy says she knows the burgers are made out of vegetables and not meat. The manager says it's a valuable secret and hires her back, saying she wants Buffy to be dedicated and strive for her own, five-year button. Buffy looks dismayed.
The end.
Overall: Stank. Come on now, people, weeks of reruns separated by only one new instalment and this is what you give us? Burgers, lame snakes and boring subplots? Arggghhh. I'm making a request: no more giant-snake effects, please. They never look good. Also, please give Anya, Xander, Willow and Dawn something interesting to do, and quickly. If you must make Willow all witchy and such again, so be it, just stop this whiney withdrawal business. And really, do we need foreshadowing to kick us in the head about this Anya & Xander wedding thing? Anyone who has enough brain power to be able to chew food knows the nuptials won't go smoothly. Geez. This episode only gets one stake out of five. So there. And don't come back until you've got something good to show us.
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